I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
