If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
