my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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