I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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