Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
