His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
