Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize