im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
