If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
