She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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