I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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