so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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