Someone shit on the floor
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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