yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
