the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
