Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
