well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
