Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
