I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize