I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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