Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
