so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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