Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
