this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
