I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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