so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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