Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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