chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He passed out mid-signature
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
