so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize