then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
