I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
