I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
