dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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