He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
