yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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