Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I look better un-naked...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
