that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
