If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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