Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
