Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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