I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize