Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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