I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
