you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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