I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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