from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
