Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
