Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
