The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
