He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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