Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.

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(410): View more from Maryland

He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.

Fav 25 1427 3993
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.

Fav 13 948 4534
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(714): View more from California

She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.

Fav 17 7064 2527
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(305): View more from Florida

After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.

Fav 31 4236 1830
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(901): View more from Tennessee

we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever

Fav 7 1328 5910
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...

Fav 16 4113 1285
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(314): View more from Missouri

I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.

Fav 0 447 329
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(616): View more from Michigan

just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.

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