That's intense
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
