I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
