Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
