I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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