24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize