Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize