The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
