Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Randomize
