We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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