i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
