Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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