One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
