her vagine was all disorganized.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
