I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
