You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
