Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
