I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
