it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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