her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
