All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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