Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
