from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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